All alone...

The house is eerily quiet tonight because Aaron and Ryan left this morning for a road trip. Their big adventure--going to Louisville, KY for some Farm Equipment expo. Why? Because our 3 year old is in love/obsessed with tractors, so my guys and Aaron's parents drove 6 hours to take Ryan to the Mecca of farm equipment. Over one million square feet of everything farming.

I, of course, cannot handle mobility through one million square feet so I stayed home. Well, that's not the only reason. I could have gone on the trip and just stayed in the hotel, gone to the indoor pool, etc...but I still would have felt cooped up and I'd rather be cooped up in my own house, with my own bed, etc...

And a little bit of personal freedom too :) Since surgery the number of times Aaron has gone to the office I can count on one hand. If he wasn't home then Ryan was. I have rarely been alone this whole recovery period and to tell you the truth it isn't so bad. Today I turned the iPod up and listened to some tunes while (carefully) doing a few household chores. I took the dog for a very brief walk, twice, which I haven't done since mid-December. This chore still sucks in the dead of winter by the way. I also changed the cat's litter (didn't miss that one either) and did laundry. Then I had to stop and remind myself that just because I have the opportunity to get a ton of stuff done doesn't mean I am actually able to do so. That's a bummer because my closet REALLY needs to be mucked out.

But, now that everything is done and I'm sitting in bed alone...I miss my guys. I know they're going to have a great weekend. I just can't wait until I'm recuperated fully and can participate in more family activities again.

Let's get physical!

I started physical therapy (henceforth referred to as PT) yesterday! Well, I really started PT back in November to strengthen my leg up for surgery, but just went back yesterday for the first time since surgery. My therapists are Mike and Gabe, and they're really cool guys.

I started out in the (foot) whirlpool and that felt Sooooo good. The heat really loosened up my ankle and in the pool I did my "alphabet exercises." This basically means that I have to make each letter of the alphabet with my foot to loosen it up.

From there I got a brief scar massage and Mike felt around for any adhesions/tightness. This felt good and hurt like hell all at the same time. My range of motion is good up and down, but it's REALLY hard for me to go side-to-side.

Next I did some light calf/hamstring stretching...then we got serious with the resistance band. I had to use this to really stretch side to side. My foot did not like this idea at all and the muscles twitched like crazy.

The hardest exercises are the calf raises (using only 25% of my body weight on the left ankle) and balancing about 25% of my weight on my left leg. This hurt and wore me out. I have to back off a little bit because pain is not good and is my body's way of telling me STOP. I have to listen.

So, this was followed up w/ 15 min of ice...and the whole process took 1.5 hours! I'm supposed to do this 2x/day, everyday, as long as it's not too painful or inflamed. 3 hours a day of PT! I have this much time NOW but have no idea how I'm going to manage when I go back to work. Maybe this is why my doctor said I won't be going back FT at first...now I'm starting to think he's not so crazy after all!

Tenosyno-what?

I got the MRI results today, which did not show any tears of ligaments or tendons upon the first reading. However, it did show tendonitis and tenosynovitis in the peroneus longus tendon. (Left ankle surgery was on the peroneus brevis) The doctor is having a 2nd radiologist read the MRI because he's not completely convinced that the tendon is not torn, because of the damage that was done to the left ankle and only a very small tear showed up on that MRI. I should know more next Monday.

So, if it is just tendosynovitis then I basically have to immobilize the ankle as much as possible to see if it will heal itself. I didn't really know what tendosynovitis was until I got home and did some research. It's kind of an inflammation of the sheath that helps the tendon move and when it gets damaged it swells up and causes pain and difficult mobility. Kinda like carpal tunnel syndrome in the ankle.

Sometimes it can be "cured" with immobilization and extra support--hence my new sexy brace! We can also try cortisone shots and other conservative therapies, but sometimes surgical intervention is required just like with carpal tunnel syndrome.

I had carpal tunnel surgery a few years ago--no huge deal and it was really successful. I'm just hopeful that this time the conservative treatment actually works because another surgery on my ankle just is not at the top of my to-do list anytime soon.

Good news--I was cleared for physical therapy for my left ankle and get to start on Wednesday! If that goes well I might be cleared to go back to work next week! So, there is a lot of positive news today--no visible tears, (so far) manageable treatment of the right ankle, I can start walking again, and physical therapy. Overall, a better day than I expected and I'm pleased!

Found my marbles...

I am bound and determined to get this left foot moving again soon, so I'm doing my own PT until the doc releases me to the drill sargeant. Nothing too strenuous--just some light stretching and toe movement exercises.

Today's trick--for your viewing pleasure by video today--picking up marbles with my toes and putting them into a cup. I thought this would be fairly easy, and it's really not too horrible. I have good motion with my big toe, but my little toes are fairly weak. So, they need a workout. My pinky toe is almost completely numb, so he needs a wake up call.

It amazes me that just picking up marbles with my toes can work the other muscles in my leg as well--it just shows me how out of shape I really am right now. I feel like a blob, but maybe my new gym in a bag will help with that problem. I just gotta get it out of the bag...

MRI is done

I suffered through the MRI this morning, slightly stoned from the valium. I just stared blankly at the ceiling, wondering if anyone has really ever counted all of those little holes before. It was a very small dose of valium--I can only imagine how crazy my thoughts would have been if he had given me a bigger dose!


My right ankle really hurts today--I don't know if this is from being pinned in the thing for the MRI or just because there is something wrong with it. I guess I'll find out on Monday. I'm going to have to find something to take my mind off of the waiting.


My left ankle actually hurts less than the right one today...weird. It's almost always the other way around, but I guess this means I'm making progress.

My "gym in a bag" was delivered the other day. Amazon has become my best friend since surgery! The "gym" is basically a bunch of resistance bands, weights, and a DVD. I think I might try to start doing some upper body work soon and perhaps some light stretching with my left leg. I feel like a total blob and have zero stamina anymore.


I still haven't gone out yet to buy the marbles. Why marbles, you say? Have I finally lost all of mine? Very funny. They're actually for PT. I'm supposed to throw a bunch of them on the floor and try to pick them up with my toes and put them into a jar or a bowl. This is supposed to get the muscles of the foot moving again. I haven't technically been cleared to start this yet, but I'm not sure it can really hurt to pick up marbles. I just have to go get them first!

That's it for now. Keep thinking "just a sprain" for me and keep those fingers tightly crossed!

Tomorrow...

I have my right ankle MRI tomorrow morning and am seriously dreading it. I don't know if that's because I just hate MRI's (claustrophobic, hence the valium prescription) or I'm more afraid of the results. At this point, nothing the report can tell me would be a shocker. I fully expect the worst but really hope for the best.

At one point I started to pray that the doctor is wrong and nothing is seriously wrong with the ankle. But then I started to feel very selfish...there are so many more people in this world who need their prayers answered more than me.

On Monday a friend's son will go in for open heart surgery. He is only a few months old and needs the prayers way more than me. I would definitely suffer through another surgery so that he can have a happy and healthy life.

Another friend has a mother suffering from breast cancer. I would gladly suffer another surgery and recovery so that she has more time for treatment and maybe one day a cure.

Two friends are pregnant with their first babies--I would gladly suffer more in order for them to have happy and healthy babies.

And one more friend has a baby who needs surgery in April. I would have my foot amputated to ensure nothing bad happens to him or anyone else I know and love. I can live w/o a foot, but I have no idea how someone could live without their child.

So, don't say prayers for me. Say prayers for the ones who really need them. Just keep your fingers crossed for me. I have faith that everything happens for a reason and will deal with whatever hand I am dealt.

Medical mystery

To say my health has been an enigma for the last 9-10 years is an understatement. At my lowest point, I believe in 2002 or 2003 (the years blend together) I really wondered if I was losing my mind. Now, as I'm facing another MRI for a possible tendon/ligament tear, I'm starting to look for answers. What is the common denominator here and why hasn't anyone figured it out yet?

I keep coming back to my stint on Accutane for 6 months in college, from around September 1998 to May 1999. The drug is super powerful with a million side effects from depression (got that one) to birth defects (each pill packet has deformed fetuses all over the place). Could this drug be what has caused all of my medical issues all along?

Since May, 1999 I have had the following:

In March 1999 I just stopped having periods--this was chalked up to the "wrong" birth control pill but I have never been regular since. While on Accutane women of childbearing age must have preg tests monthly, so I knew that wasn't the problem. But no one could figure out why someone who had been on the same brand of pill for 4-5 years consistently would just stop menstruating.

In August 2000 I had bilateral TMJ surgery, as the discs in my jaw started to calcify and there were times my mouth would get locked open or closed. The discs were removed and replaced with my own fat. Gross, I know. My insurance company would not pay for the surgery so my loving parents shelled out over $10k so I could open my mouth properly. I had the surgery 3 months before my wedding--crazy.

September/October 2000--Left wrist carpal tunnel/ganglion cyst surgery. The cyst was so calcified and wrapped around a tendon that the doctor had to cut the tendon, remove the cyst, and then repair the tendon he cut. It was supposed to be a 15 minute procedure that turned into an hour and a half.

After a bad exposure to mold in 2002, my body went nuts. Every major system went out of control and I was mis-diagnosed with a few terminal diseases until the doctors just gave up and couldn't figure out what was wrong with me--all of my scans and blood work came back normal, but my body was in a state of super inflammatory shock. Eventually, I went all the way out to Johns Hopkins and the docs there diagnosed me with fibromyalgia--probably because they just didn't know what else to do.

In 2003 an MRI discovered 4 slipped discs in my neck--generally attributed to the weight of my enormous boobs, and the degeneration was largely ignored. I had a breast reduction, which was also a raging disaster as my body rejected the internal stitches (I told you I had experience with this) and developed cellulitis.

While I was pregnant I was generally "healthy" except for the preeclampsia--probably a result of my immune system issuess but no one knows for sure.

In 2006 I saw an orthopedist about my chronic shoulder pain--bilateral MRI's show that I only have one intact tendon in my right shoulder and one that is torn in my left. I have never been a pitcher, have never had an accident, and the cause of these tears is an enigma. How can someone just spontaneously tear tendons in the shoulder?

In 2006 the ganglion cyst in my wrist came back. I saw a specialist who took one look at my hand x-rays and told me that he's convinced within 5-10 years I will be diagnosed with some sort of connective tissue disorder because my hands look like those of someone double my age. Swell! I'm like a ticking time bomb.

And now in 2008 I was walking down stairs and tore the peroneus brevis tendon...a tear so bad that my doctor, who is approaching 70, says it was one of the worst tears he has ever seen. On Thursday I go for an MRI of my right ankle, as the pain and swelling suggests I tore something over there also.

Sheesh. I'm probably forgetting something.

I just don't understand why my body does what it does, so I started thinking about all of the medications I took when I was really sick after the mold exposure. Levaquin is notorious for tendon failure, and I did take the drug in 2002 or 2003, so that was my first guess. There are tons of lawsuits for Levaquin and its family of drugs.

BUT, the TMJ and wrist issues started WAY before that...so I have done a little digging...and found that in 2000 and then 2005 there were recommendations made that the labels that come with Accutane warn patients of potential bone, joint, tendon, and connective tissue disorders which have been seen amongst patients.

AHA! Of course I could never PROVE that all of this is caused by the Accutane (or at least I couldn't do it on my own, but an expensive attorney might be able to) but it is kind of refreshing to know that I am not alone and there may be an answer to why my body is a freaking mess. It doesn't change anything for me physically, but psychologically is helps to know that I am probably not crazy and this stuff really isn't in my head. Obviously--you can't have an imagined torn tendon--but sometimes I do feel like people look at me and think I'm a hypochondriac.

There is never a day that goes by that I'm not in some pain--muscle, joint, etc...I have learned to deal with some of it and push through, but it's hard. Something always goes wrong--I take one step forward and then go two in the opposite direction.

I try to remember the good things in life--I am not suffering from a terminal disease (at least that we know of!) I have a loving and supportive family, a great kid and husband, a roof over my head, etc...there is so much to be grateful for and to appreciate. Now if I could just walk around and do it!!!