Same surgery, different issues

I have a pen-pal named Suzi from Austin, Texas (a place I plan on visiting someday as I hear it's awesome!) Suzi had the same surgery as me, just two days beforehand. We have been virtual friends every since. I'm really glad I "met" her as it has been very nice to have someone to struggle with and commiserate.

What is weird is that though the surgery was basically the same, our treatment and outcomes (so far) have been different. Suzi was released for physical therapy and walking after being in the cast for a full 6 weeks. I was in the cast for only 3 or 4 weeks, but am still not allowed to attempt walking or physical therapy for at least another week. I can point my foot, spread my toes (mostly), flex the foot, and rotate--my range of motion is really good. Poor Suzi tried in PT today but just couldn't get her foot to cooperate. Only the side of my foot is numb where hers is numb on the bottom, which has to feel really weird when trying to walk.

It's amazing to me the different ways that individual bodies heal after virtually the same experience. I guess that's why my doctor says that I can't base my recovery time on anyone else--because I am me, not Suzi or Joe Shmo down the street suffering from his PB tendon repair.

I'm trying to be patient. I really am. It's just hard--6 weeks later and I'm still stuck on the couch. I just keep saying...it could be worse....it could be worse.

Being productive...

I have been extremely productive today!

I have to admit that since surgery I have not been into paying the bills or dealing with any paperwork. I had a mounting pile of papers, bills, tax forms, etc...that threatened to take over the entire kitchen counter if I didn't do something soon.

I conquered the mountain!

All bills are paid. All paperwork is properly filed in a brand new file box with labels. All tax forms are saved for easy access and entry into Turbotax.

I even listed some books on Amazon auctions to try to make a few extra bucks. If I had real motivation I would list some of Ryan's old clothes/toys on eBay, but I'm not feeling it right now.

It feels good to be productive again. Now if only I could actually clean my house...but based upon yesterday's acrobatic fall I think it's best if I leave the house a disaster a little longer.

Klutz

I fell...again. I was on the walker with my hands full, not steering, and caught one of the wheels on my right pant hem. I went down hard on my left knee and jammed my foot into the carpet. I also landed on my right wrist. This was the hardest fall I have taken and boy does it hurt. My pride hurts too, as Aaron asked "can't you be more careful?" Like I want to fall???

So, as you can see I'm back to icing and elevating. No wonder my doctor doesn't want me to leave the house--I'm a spaz. Seriously though, I have ONLY fallen IN my house, so maybe I should just leave to avoid the tendency to spill.

The incisions are intact and will probably stay that way now. I say probably because with my body absolutely anything is possible. The worst damage I can do is tearing the graft jacket or the tendon again. I don't think that happened today, but the swelling is there. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

No negotiating!

My doctor does not negotiate with terrorists and would not give in to my list of demands. I thought I was being completely reasonable by asking to walk a little bit and go back to work. Here is what he said...

"Kate, I told you that you would probably be out 6-8 weeks when I thought the tear was SMALL. Yours was huge and the tendon was completely flat. So, logic would say double the time off and we're only at 5.5 weeks now."

Double? Really? Well, no...when I pressed him he said that he would give into my demands soon as long as I continue to be compliant and not cheat. This basically means that I go back in one week to get the "special brace" which is better than the CAM walker and will give me more support when I put weight on the ankle.

He will not release me for PT until weeks 7 or 8. No negotiation there. I can, however, do my stretches at home. Yippee.

He will consider letting me go back to work in the next 2 weeks, but on a limited schedule because of the swelling. I'll either go for 4-5 hour shifts or every other day. That's still to be negotiated.

I am beyond frustrated and starting to get a little depressed. I really really thought he would tell me to get back to PT and work this week...and that I could start walking a bit. No dice.

Basically, when I am able to put weight on the foot I'll start out doing so 10% of the day...moving up to 20% then 30%...you get the picture.

Aaron was astounded by this news, as he HATES getting the walker in and out of the car. His question to me, "so when do you think you will be walking normally again?"

According to my doctor--probably in June. God help me.

Later today...

In about 2.5 hours I will return to the doctor for another check-up. Here is my list of demands (in no particular order):

1) To be allowed some form of walking, even if for only 5-10 minutes per day in the boot. I'm getting sick of the walker and want to kick it to the curb.
2) To be released for physical therapy to help this walking process along
3) To be allowed to return to work soon--preferably on Monday, and part time at first so I can minimize swelling.
4) To be fitted for the "special" brace to get me out of the moon boot ASAP.

I think these are perfectly reasonable demands. I'd like to just demand full mobility and zero pain, but I know that these would not only NOT be reasonable but impossible. Unfortunately. It would be really cool though.

Reject Stitches

If you look closely at the incision you will see a "spot" toward the bottom edge with a "thingy" coming out. That "thingy" is yet one more stitch that my body is rejecting and attempting to spit back out at me. I wish it were simple--a hole opens up, the stitch comes out, and the hole closes up. Not so simple. This latest development will mean on Monday the doc will have to dig in there, snip the stitch at the knot, and then hope it closes back up w/o infection. Did I mention that this hurts like no other?

I love my life.

Swelling

It's amazing how just a little bit of activity can cause so much swelling. Aaron, Ryan, and I went out tonight to get some dinner in celebration of the 10th anniversary of our first date. We had a lovely dinner at Joe's Crab Shack (where I did not have any crab, but really enjoyed some shrimp) then a trip to Toys R Us (Ryan is obsessed with Thomas these days), the grocery store, then home. Literally, I was out of the house for 4 hours and came home to an ankle the size of a baked potato.

I have no idea how I'm going to handle going back to work, where I can't elevate at all during the day with a standard cube set up. Hopefully management will be willing to let me take the time necessary to keep it elevated and iced, but it's going to majorly impact my ability to be productive.

I may discuss/ask for a modified schedule to start out--half days or every other day for a couple of weeks, especially because the swelling will get worse once I start physical therapy. AARGH. I really thought I was rounding a corner because when I'm here, on the couch, things are better and my foot feels pretty good. The activity turns it all to hell.

Side note--I have LOST 5 lbs since surgery. I can't understand how this has happened, since my activity is so limited. Not going out to lunch everyday helps and I suppose the lack of mobility and having to fix things I can carry with one hand, like yogurt, have also helped. And I was afraid I'd gain weight! Who would have guessed?

I've fallen...and I can't get up!

I tried to help unload groceries tonight. The refrigerated goods went well, without incident.

The canned goods were another story. I tried to go from the walker to the floor...tumbled down and landed on my left foot. I had the moon boot on, but it did not protect me.

The incisions burn and the foot throbs.

I have it on ice, but I'm fearful I did some damage.

Fingers crossed...say some prayers...

This sucks.

Not supposed to bleed...

Last night, my foot started bleeding from one of the incisions. Not a lot of blood, just a little bit where the digging occurred to get out the rogue, rejected internal stitches. I think another one is coming out and it hurts pretty badly. Not like surgery pain--more like just having any other cut/puncture wound on the foot. Downside is my doc is out of town this week on a cruise. He has partners available, but they are not podiatric surgeons and I just don't know if I want to go see them or wait it out. I'm keeping the area clean and using the ointment prescribed by my doc, but it still throbs. Keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn't get worse and hinder my ability to walk and get back to normal life soon.

The plus side of being confined to the couch today is getting to watch the inauguration. I can't remember the last time I watched one live, primarily because I haven't enjoyed the president elect enough over the last 8 years to bother. I am always impressed by Obama's speeches and hope that the world gives him the time it is going to take to turn this country around. We cannot expect miracles or instant change. Americans are not used to delayed gratification, but we must make baby steps toward the changes needed to get us headed in the right direction again. I have hope that we are on our way. Whatever your political beliefs, it is important to stand behind and support our new leader for progress to be made.

Bummed

Today was supposed to be my first day of freedom. I was supposed to go to a baby shower for my friend Christine, who is expecting her son in March. However, Ryan continued to puke last night and I was up every 2-3 hours, so I'm exhausted. More importantly and the biggest reason for me staying--the weather here is horrible and is not appropriate for someone with limited mobility to travel. We are supposed to get about 4-6" of snow during the day, at exactly the time I was supposed to be out and about. My doctor has warned me constantly about the danger of slipping, falling, and screwing up the surgery. Since I don't want to have to go through any of this again, I'm staying put...but I am really pissed off about it. (Christine, if you're reading this, I promise to make it up to you ASAP. I miss you tons!)

I haven't driven my car, or any car for that matter, since 12/16/08.

I haven't really been completely alone, totally w/o supervision, since the same date.

I couldn't get into my car if I tried--it's completely buried and needs to be dug out. Poor Aaron will get that joy sometime next week.

I am really over this whole experience and totally hoping that I will get released to go back to work sometime the week of 1/26. Even if I can only go back a couple of days a week--it's better than being stuck here every single day.

Not much to report...

Nothing too new here...same old, same old.

The weather here in Michigan still sucks. I have major icesicles hanging from my roof. They would probably knock someone out if in the wrong place at the wrong time. This morning it was -9 and the windchill -27. I hate living here during the winter and am almost grateful that I don't have to go anywhere if I don't want to.

Yesterday, I had visitors! Stephanie and Baby Corinne (aka the most beautiful baby girl in the world) came over to keep me company. It was wonderful to have girl talk again and just hang out with new people. Bailey just LOVES Stephanie so much, can't you tell?

This was Ryan two nights ago when we went to Buffalo Wild Wings. I was just craving wings and just had to get out of the house. Ryan could care less about the chicken but LOVED the super duper fudge cake. I'm glad this was a few days ago because at 4am this morning he started puking. Chocolate cake would have been a disaster. I guess I'm not bored today, but even more boredom is preferable to puke. Two kids in day care have the bug. I'm hopeful that I don't get it and that Ryan's goes away very quickly. The positive side is that he isn't acting sick and seems to be his normal self...when he's not puking, of course.

Two more weeks...

I went back to the doc today for another follow up visit. I knew that my body was rejecting one internal stitch, but didn't know that the doc would have to go in and dig out about 5 of them! Normally, stitch removal doesn't hurt much, but digging out these stitches was incredibly painful. No pictures today because it was just too gross to show.

I tried to negotiate more mobility today, but because of the stitches the doctor thinks the graft might be unstable and doesn't want me to put weight on it for two more weeks. I am allowed to start some small stretching exercises to get back some of my range of motion, but still confined to the house and the use of the knee walker.

Good news is that I am allowed to drive, but it's not advised that I'm outside alone in the ice and snow as a fall could be very bad. Getting in and out of the car on one foot is dangerous enough on dry pavement. Ice is a disaster. I think my doctor would like to just keep me inside and on the couch until spring, but of course in Michigan that would be months from now. I'm hopeful that at my next visit he will release me to at least go back to work part time (if not full time) and to physical therapy so I can start moving again!

Road Trip

Today we packed up the family truckster and headed to IKEA. Reason for said trip: since I have been permanently attached to my sofa I realized that my place needs a pick-me-up. So, the first place to start was getting a new area rug, getting more storage for Ryan's toys, and a coat rack. I want a new sofa to relieve my aching butt, but because I'm on short term disability at only half my salary, it will have to wait.

While in search of these items I was confined to a wheelchair. Not a motorized scooter, mind you. OH NO...a regular old-fashioned, use your own upper body strength wheelchair. Talk about a workout. Again, it was another study in social etiquette and people still failed. I had one lady run in front of me with her shopping cart to get into the elevator before me. Why? No idea...we were going to the same exact place. People bumped their carts into me, swung items into my head, etc...I could go on, but I'll spare you. I have so much more empathy toward people with disablities and what they struggle with just to live a normal life.

So today's trip was fun. Ryan had a blast playing on the furniture and in the play area in the cafeteria, and I just enjoyed a few hours of freedom. The snow continues to be a huge challenge for mobility, but with Aaron's help I make it work. I really don't think I could manage getting in and out of the car myself until I'm allowed to actually use my foot for pushing off. So, the poor hubby continues to be my slave, at least until Tuesday when I go back to the doc for another visit. After 3 hours out and about the foot swelled up and started to throb, so we packed up and headed home. Back to the couch, back to elevating...back to boredom.

Life as a Dog

I have often wondered why dogs get so excited to go for a ride in the car. It amazes me that we can ask our dog, Bailey, "Do you want to go for a ride?" and she launches herself down the stairs and flies out the door. When the weather is decent, she relishes in sticking her head out the window, letting her ears and tongue (and drool) fly in the wind. She doesn't even get out of the car, but just loves the ride.

I now know exactly how she feels.

I got so excited to leave the house today and go nowhere that I put makeup on and everything. We went to the post office, picked Bailey up from doggie day care, picked Ryan up from kid day care, and to Walgreens. I didn't get out of the car on any of these stops, but was just so excited to be out of the house. Aaron asked me if I wanted to put the window down and stick my head out. I declined as it is 27 degrees here and snowing, but if it had been warmer I might have taken him up on it.

Picture Time

It has been a couple of weeks since I have posted incision pictures. This one is not nearly as gross as the previous ones. You can see the following:

1) No matter how much exfoliation or Foot Miracle lotion is applied my foot and ankle are beyond dry. A cast does horrible things to skin!

2) The ankle incision (PB tendon) looks great--it's not puffy or oozy at all.

3) The bone spur incision is a little bothersome--oozy and itchy. I think there is another internal stitch on its way out. Might have to call the doc about that one.

4) I still have a cankle, but the bruising and swelling are really reduced.

5) It is NOT easy to put myself into unnatural positions to take ankle photos, so my photography is lacking in composition and design elements. My new PB tendon friend, Suzi, will appreciate the difficulty of this situation, though she's probably willing to contort to get the shot. That's why she's the pro :)

3 weeks later

I can't believe it has been 3 weeks since my surgery.  Sometimes it feels like it was just the other day and then other times I feel like it was months ago.  My scope of time has been skewed as I am not on a schedule anymore, which is a really strange feeling for someone so used to having to manage her time very efficiently.

Most of the time my foot feels pretty decent.   I mostly struggle with the nerve pain that shoots to my pinky toe, which is very painful but comes and goes.   If I do not elevate properly the foot starts to really swell and throb, which basically is just a reminder to get back to elevating.  Taking a shower is still difficult as keeping my foot in a downward position for even just 10-15 minutes is enough to cause some major swelling and pain.   Elevating and ice are the main methods to healing--there's just no way around it.  Elevating isn't as easy as it sounds as I have to keep the foot above heart level, which requires about 4 pillows to do.   Then my butt starts to go numb.  It's kind of hilarious and super frustrating all at the same time.

I'm still not allowed to leave the house by myself, mostly because of the ice/snow and risk of falling and screwing up the whole surgery.   I really wish I could work from home, in order to ease my boredom and get back to feeling like a productive member of society.   Technically, I probably could do my job in the office if I could bring in a recliner and mountain of pillows to keep the foot elevated.   There is just no way to do this in a 4' x 4' cube.   I would also need to hire a chauffeur, as Aaron cannot drive me back and forth everyday.  I'm kind of jealous of people who have the ability, as Aaron does, to work anywhere they want.   Plenty of people say they would love to sit/lie on the couch for weeks on end--and to that I say it sounds like fun until you actually are forced to do it.   Bed rest during pregnancy was worse though because physically I could do things, just wasn't allowed to move.  That REALLY felt like house arrest.

3 weeks down, hopefully only 2-3 more until I get back to the real world.   Let the countdown begin!

Insomnia

Sometimes I think because I haven't been challenged during the day intellectually, my brain refuses to turn off at night and let me sleep!   I laid in bed for about 30 minutes, trying to find a comfy position with the moon boot on, and just couldn't drift off.  I don't want to take anything to induce artificial sleep and it's not like I have to go anywhere tomorrow to be rested for either, so I'm just trying to find quiet things to do with my guys sleep.

My house is an absolute wreck.  The Christmas decorations are still up, Ryan's loot from Santa and the grandparents is strewn everywhere, and the clutter is mounting.  Usually a little bit of a mess doesn't bother me one bit, but I'm starting to really get disgruntled.  I want to be able to clean some of it up and get some form of organization going, but there is just no way to do it with only one good leg and one available hand (the other on the walker at all times so I don't fall again.)   I guess I have to just suck it up.  I can't ask Aaron to do much more than he's doing right now, which is basically everything.  So, a disaster it will be for now.

Aaron's company announced today that because of the economy there will be no merit raises or bonuses this year, or basically until they can turn it around enough to put them back into the compensation equation.  Ordinarily, this would really piss me off because he works so damn hard every single day and really deserves that raise and bonus.   However, at this point living in Michigan and doing the work that I do everyday, I'm just grateful that he still has a job and one that pays pretty well in the process.  Sure, a raise would be nice, but for now I'll settle for status quo knowing how much worse it could really be.  During this recovery period I have had time to dwell on how bad this surgery sucked and had a little pity party, but have also really focused on all of the great things in my life--my family, friends, roof over my head, etc...I'm trying to stay positive for 2009.  Even if I am stuck on this couch, at least I have a couch to rest my butt on and elevate my wounded leg with!

The moon boot

Picture of the CAM Walker, for those who haven't seen it before.  It's definitely not as pretty as the pink cast, but way more comfortable and removable which makes showering so much better.   Downside--it's huge compared to the cast.  Sleeping should be interesting.

The cast is GONE

I went back to the doctor today because the pretty pink cast was WAY too loose.  So loose in fact that the gauze wrap underneath the cast started coming unraveled and balled up under my foot.  I stuck my whole hand in and pulled the gauze out, and realized if I can stick the entire hand into the cast something must be wrong.   The doc agreed and took the cast off and it's not going back on, which is the good news...

The not so good news is that my body is rejecting the internal stitches.   There were at least 4-6 of them poking out of the incision, which he had to then remove and those deep ones hurt!  The rejection is not a huge shocker on my end--the same exact thing happened when I had my breast reduction, and that turned into a cluster#*ck of epic proportions.  I wound up with a terrible infection and horrible scars so bad that my husband now calls my right breast "shark bait."  Luckily the scars are on the underside, so only he gets to see them--lucky Aaron, right?

So far, my ankle looks good and is healing nicely so I have to now be REALLY careful so that when the internal stitches keep coming out I don't pop the whole wound open.  It's not likely to happen, but could and that's scary.   For now I'm back in the CAM Walker, which I affectionately call my "moon boot."   It's a little lighter than the cast, but way more cumbersome.  I'm not allowed to walk at all in the boot, but can gently rest it on the floor for balance.  I go back next week for a normal follow up and then in 2 weeks I'll probably be released for physical therapy!   Woo hoo!   This means hopefully I'll be back to work in 3-4 weeks--a little longer than I'd hoped, but less than the 8 week worst case scenario.   

The pain is tolerable--just have to keep the leg elevated as much as possible and take the ibuprofen to reduce inflammation.  I'm feeling pretty good! 

Slowly losing my mind...

I think I have figured out why people get hooked on narcotics after surgery.   The obvious answer is that they are in pain.  The less obvious is that they are BORED OUT OF THEIR FREAKING MINDS and looking for relief.  If the drugs didn't make me so sick I would probably love the stoned feeling as days would not seem to drag endlessly.   Alas, I cannot enjoy oxycontin or vicodin, so I have to try to entertain myself.   Today I was so bored that I managed to clean all of my makeup brushes with actual shampoo, clean up dog puke (no idea what's up with Bailey but if God loves me he will make it stop)  and load the dishwasher (still can't unload as that requires actual movement around the kitchen.)    Other than that, I have been relegated to the couch, recliner, or bed.   Aaron is sick so we managed to throw in an argument just for fun, simply because we're both in foul moods and taking it out on each other.   Now we realize that arguing is not a great use of our "quality time" together, but neither of us has the energy or feels good enough to have "real" quality time.   

Tomorrow I will get out of the house long enough to go pick Ryan up from the in-law's.  It's sad that a trip in the car has become my version of freedom.  I am simply in love with the heated seats and satellite radio.  Oh the little things to be grateful for!

Walking pneumonia

The New Year always starts out with illness in the Litwin household.  I'm not sure why we have been cursed, but I can trace illnesses back since before Aaron and I got married in 2000.   Aaron started feeling badly on his birthday, which was Monday, and went to the doc yesterday where he had a 103 degree fever and a cough that just won't quit.  She diagnosed him with "walking pneumonia" and basically said that if he doesn't improve or gets worse he may need to be admitted to the hospital.    Perfect.   Having one of us down for the count is bad enough, but both of us is a nightmare.  Luckily, Aaron's parents are relatively close and took Ryan for a few days because I just can't keep up with a toddler while on one leg and Aaron is in no condition to do so either.  I am praying that a couple of days of "doing nothing" will get Aaron back to feeling human again soon.

I have been watching a lot of Food Network over the last two weeks and think that the whole station is the devil and makes me really hungry.  It's fascinating to watch all of these fantastic meals come together but frustrating because even on the knee walker there is no way I can cook anything more complicated than a sandwich right now!  I did make fajitas in the slow cooker for New Year's Eve (had family over) and they turned out really well.  I never would have known that I can do fajitas in a crock pot if I hadn't watched so much Food TV :)   I have even found myself in the mood for sushi, which is something I don't even really like so I think that these shows have some sort of subliminal messages, probably paid for by restaurants and fast food conglomerates.   That's my conspiracy theory and I'm sticking to it.

My cast is really loose so I will probably have to go back to the doc on Monday or Tuesday for a new one.  I kind of like this pink one, but I never repeat a color in succession so I have to pick something else.   Does anyone have a request or recommendation?

Happy New Year

Well, the holidays are officially over so now I think it's time for a vacation from the craziness.  Life has been a never-ending whirlwind since surgery--parts I was coherent enough to remember, and some I wish I could have forgotten.  Overall, we have had a lot of quality time with family and I feel the need for a break from the chaos.  The worst part is that I can't really do anything, so my version of a break will be more of the same thing--sitting on my butt, elevating my foot, and just working on healing.  Yippee.  

Some days my foot feels really good and I don't have much pain, but at other times it's as bad as it was immediately after the surgery.  I guess I haven't been doing my proper elevating to help reduce all of the swelling, but I do my best.  I hope the numbness in my toes goes away soon.  Right now it feels like someone shot up my pinky toe and the one next to it with novocaine which is wearing off and giving me that painful pins and needles feeling.   That's something I could really live without.  My cast is already loose and I can only imagine how much worse that is going to get.  I'm supposed to be in this pink one for 2 weeks, but doubt I'll make it that long.

Aaron is sick with some strange upper respiratory thing and that sucks because I'm supposed to go get a facial tomorrow and he's supposed to drive me because I am NOT supposed to drive yet unless I have no other choice.  So, by scheduling him for a massage I guaranteed my own transportation as a trip the spa would not fall under my doctor's guidelines of a situation where I "have to" drive.   But, now that he's so sick he may want to cancel his appointment which means there goes mine too :(    I hope he feels better soon because it's hard to be so dependent on someone who feels like hell...I don't like to make it worse.

I hope all had a very Happy New Year and a good start to 2009. I know my household is hoping 2009 will be much better health-wise than 2008!