Progress

I'm back from my follow up appointment and have seen some progress!   They took the stitches out today, which was not very painful at all and my ankle looks so much better now.   The swelling has really gone down and the major bruising has subsided.  I'm still numb along the incision line, especially around the are of the bone spur and my pinky toe is half numb.  I have to do more toe exercises to get the motion back in my toes as I can wiggle them but cannot separate them very easily right now.   The biggest progress is that I am now allowed to stand on my foot, which is back in a bright pink cast this time, for balance but still not allowed to put any weight on it for the next 2 weeks.  At that point hey will re-evaluate and determine if it's time to start some weight bearing and get back into physical therapy.  Showers will now be much easier to manage.  It's hard to shower like a flamingo.  

The pain isn't too bad, though I did take some codeine last night to get a little more rest.   The worst pain comes when I have done too much, so my doc really wants me to just sit more with my foot elevated.  Easy for him to say--sitting all day long gets really old, both mentally and physically.  I have some movies to watch though, so as I keep saying these days it really could be worse.

In the middle of the night...

I think that travel in my condition was probably not the best of ideas.  It's 3:00 am here and I woke up with the most painful leg cramps and general foot pain, most likely from days of overdoing it on our trip and just the swelling from a day of travel.  I really tried to suck it up most days and tried hard not to let on how much pain I was in, just trying to keep the holidays as cheerful as possible. 

Normally, travel with a toddler is the hard part but when you throw in a toddler AND me in my condition the airport became an absolute nightmare that I could do nothing about.  In hindsight, maybe I should have just stayed home and risked breaking my dad's heart that he wouldn't see his grandson over Christmas.   I was willing to suffer to keep that from happening, but feel badly that this meant other family members had to suffer also and pick up a lot of slack.

The hardest part of this whole thing for me is being a burden on everyone else.  I am not used to not being able to do some of the simplest tasks, though my mobility is much better on the knee walker.   I can barely get my own beverage when I'm thirsty (making sure to fill my glass only 2/3 so I don't slosh/spill), but forget getting both a drink AND food.  I have to have one hand free at all times to steer the walker.   I couldn't pack my own suitcase because that requires more than one hand and at my parents' house it also meant stairs to go up and down, which I avoid like the plague.  Generally, Aaron now has two toddlers to wait on hand and foot.  I'm sure he will be jumping at the chance to go back to work on January 5th!   I hope I'm cleared to drive myself to appointments by then!!

Going Home

Our trip to Maryland is coming to an end and it's almost time to get back on the airplane. I am NOT looking forward to this trip through the airport again and I'm also a little nervous about the 25-50 mph winds going on out there. I have learned a few things about traveling as a disabled person:

1. TSA doesn't move any quicker when you're disabled vs. walking as a normal pedestrian. In fact, they move slower. Go figure.

2. When at the mall the day after Christmas people are crazy especially when around a woman on a motorized scooter. I literally had someone RUN in front of me, cutting me off, to get in the door before I did. Really? You couldn't wait the extra 10-15 seconds?

3. Going to other people's houses is a big challenge as they are not set up like mine and are not knee walker or crutch friendly. I am grateful for my one-level house right now! Stairs suck.

4. Everyone thinks that I'm crazy for blogging, but I don't care. It's keeping me sane. I even have a friend from blogging who had the same surgery 2 days before me--and Suzi is helping keep me sane too, even if no one else is reading.

I go back to the doctor on Tuesday and can't wait to get the stitches out. They itch and burn, and just generally need to go away. It's weird to look forward to doctor visits!

Merry Christmas!

Just wishing everyone a wonderful and very Merry Christmas! Good times with family and friends--what could be better?

We made it!

We made it to Maryland today! Yesterday we decided that it would be smarter to spend the night at a hotel near the airport vs. getting up before dawn to deal with the ice, snow, and traffic. So, we got to the airport the requisite 2 hours early with all of the other weary travelers. Everything went pretty smoothly. Northwest didn't have any wheelchairs available when I checked in, so I just used my walker through security and to the gate.

Security was a trip and a half on one leg. They did the "female assist" check, which basically meant wanding me down to see if I had any metal objects and then they swabbed my shoes, walker, crutches, AND cast for bomb residue. The first time she swabbed my cast it set off the "something suspicious" alarm and they had to do it all over again. Pretty much this whole time I was looking like a flamingo, until they gave me my walker to lean on. Finally the 2nd time they determined that I was NOT hiding a bomb in my cast and let me through.

Once on board the airplane (again, using the walker that BARELY fits down the aisle) we spent 1.5 hours on the runway waiting for them to de-ice it and for us to wait our turn in the long traffic jam to take off. It took us longer to get in the air than it did to fly here. We did arrive, approximately 2 hours after we were supposed to. After all of this time on the plane and all of the waiting, my foot hurt really bad. So, I'm here, at my parents' house resting and elevating so that the throbbing will stop. I know it will eventually :)

I wish everyone who may be reading this a very Merry Christmas. Thanks for the love and support!

Warning--Might be gross

This could have been really scary.

Close up shot
My super swollen foot
Pretty colors! Red cast

You may not want to look at all of these pictures, but I think they're kind of cool.   The doc took my club foot splint and dressings off today, which was kind of scary and a little painful, to find a very nice looking incision.  Well, two of them really.  There's one at the ankle and another where they had to remove that bone spur at the base of the 5th metatarsal.  I have been having the most pain and discomfort from the bone issues, rather than the tendon.   I'm now back in a regular hard cast and wanted candy cane stripes but because the cast is short they really couldn't do stripes that would make sense, so I settled for all red.  It's festive :)   I go back in one more week for stitch removal and yet another cast.   If anyone has a color request I'm willing to oblige.  Just let me know.

Gotta pack now.  Cleared to go to MD and as long as the weather cooperates we are leaving on an airplane tomorrow, but spending tonight at the hotel near the airport.  I can't wait to get to warmer weather!

Freedom!

I got to leave the house for 4.5 hours today!   I went with Mom to run errands--well, she did the running--went to the gas station, Walgreens, Panera for lunch, to the car dealership.  Yes, we now have a brand new (to us) used car.  It's a 2009 Dodge Journey with only 9k miles and I really love it so much more than the Scion.   It has this cool compartment that you can put soda cans in and the system will cool the cans while you drive.   All seats, except for the driver's, have under-seat storage and all fold flat.  There's an optional 3rd row of seating, for when I become a soccer mom, etc...I'm just happy to have it.  I never thought we would have a domestic vehicle again, but this was a Chrysler exec's car before he took a buyout and we got a fantastic deal on the thing.  I'm kind of excited.  It looks just like the one in the picture too.

Overall, my first venture out of the house was good.  I have to go up and down stairs on my butt, which is very tiring, but it works.   The snow and ice make navigating with the knee walker very interesting, especially because the slush builds up in the wheels, but I made it in and out of businesses pretty easily.  I just have to be super careful not to slip and fall.  My foot hurt after being in a "dependent position" (meaning normally hanging down, not elevated) but not so bad that I ran home for the narcotics.  Ibuprofen is working pretty well for now.   

The plane ride should be interesting.  I just called NW and requested wheelchair service for the sake of expediency and the agent offered me first class, which I declined because I think Ryan would be really freaked out about mommy sitting where he can't see me and I don't want to put Aaron through that kind of torture.   The things I do for my kid and husband!!!   Such is life...it's a short flight.  If we were going anywhere farther I would so have jumped at that option.

I hope all is well with everyone.  Please continue to keep in touch and let me know about life on the outside.  Tomorrow is my doc appt--I'm taking pictures to share, if they're not too gross.  I can't wait for "club foot"  to go away!

Makeup?

I have already managed a shower and have put on jeans today (instead of my comfy yoga pants or pajamas)--major accomplishments given it's only 8:30am.   I am even going to attempt to style my hair and put on some make up so I don't look quite so grim all day.  I feel pretty good.   The showers are hard because I have to be a flamingo the whole time and my right leg has been doing a lot of work to compensate.  I come out so tired and my leg starts to throb from being pointed downward for the whole 15 minutes.   It's worth it to be clean though.  I'm not sure how I'm going to feel on an airplane on Wednesday since I won't be able to keep the foot elevated.   I'm kind of dreading the whole experience but really want to be in Maryland for Christmas.   So, as long as the doctor says OK I'll suck it up and I'm going!

Sunday

I have been cooped up in my house since Wednesday and I am slowly going a little nuts.  I haven't moved much except from the couch to the bathroom to the bed and back.   Yesterday I felt so sick that it didn't matter, but today I feel so much better and am getting really bored.  I can't do much around the house, like clean or straighten much of anything, can't really play with Ryan except for reading books, etc...I'm glad that I'm bored because it means I'm feeling better, but my days are just exceptionally LONG and drawn out.   Football comes on later and then Aaron also has to teach me how to use the Blue Ray so I can watch a few movies.   I should be able to get out of the house tomorrow as State Farm finally officially totaled Aaron's car on Friday so we have the go ahead to buy the Journey.  I have to be there to sign the paperwork, so that's kind of my "get out of jail free card" for a few hours.

Overall, I feel better except for that I'm really weak and very tired.  I have only had one Tylenol 3 in the last 24 hours, and stick with ibuprofen otherwise.  This is a major improvement and has helped keep the nausea away.   Luckily, almost all of my Christmas shopping is done and there is just a little wrapping to do.  I haven't done ANY Christmas cards yet, which I thought would be done now but I haven't had the energy and can't find my address book.   I think it's upstairs but can't get up there easily to find out.  So, the cards will have to wait and they will probably be late but that's just life this year.   

I still haven't figured out HOW I'm going to manage an airplane to Maryland on Wednesday.   That should be a trip and a half, considering on that day the weather guys are calling for ice.  Crutches/knee walker and ice just don't mix.  It should be a very interesting day.  I hope my family members don't kill each other (or me) out of frustration!   

Feeling better

Thank God for compazine, that's all I can say.   After a really rough morning the nausea has gone away and I have been able to stay painkiller free, except for ibuprofen.  Maybe it was my endless prayers to God to make the pain stop or maybe I'm just over the worst of it--either way, I'm so grateful that the pain is manageable and that I don't feel hungover anymore.  I'm actually very hungry, which is the first time since Tuesday that I have felt actual hunger.  

The bad news is the my oven door broke and we can't use the oven to cook now--the whole thing is literally falling apart because a bolt popped out.   I really wanted some chocolate chip cookies, but looks like the only ones I'll be getting are from the store.    Fine with me though.  I guess it's a good sign that I just want junk food :)

I hate narcotics

Sick.  So very very sick.  I woke up this morning feeling like I had the worst hangover in history, complete with the pounding headache, nausea, spinning room, etc...then the puking started and I felt a little bit better.   The doctor doesn't want me to take the oxycodone anymore because of the side effects, but it's the only one that manages the pain.   He called in some anti-nausea medicine, so hopefully that will help soon.  I feel like a mack truck ran me over.   The positive side is that when the nausea sets in my foot doesn't seem to hurt as much.   I feel that I need a pain pill right now but the nausea and puking just aren't worth it.  I wish some pharmacist could come up with painkillers that have zero side effects just for me.  

Snow Day

We basically have a blizzard here, which means that everyone his home today--Aaron, Ryan, and Bailey (who usually goes to doggy day care on  Fridays.)   Generally this would be a good thing, as it's fun to have a day at home unexpectedly, however having a 2 year old in the house while I'm trying to rest and sleep is not easy.   Our condo isn't exactly the best when it comes to sound-proofing and noise control, so I hear everything that is going on.  I'm exhausted, in pain, and starting to get cranky, and trying really hard not to take it out on everyone else.   I suppose ear plugs would help this situation, but no one can go get some because of all of the SNOW.   We are supposed to have 10-16" by the time it's all said and done.  Yuck.   My office did not open today--which I think is a first.  Of course the only time they will ever have a snow day is when I'm out on short term disability.  It will probably never happen again.

Day 3 is proving to be about as painful as Day 2 was.  The bandage/splint feels like it's way too tight and my foot is just begging to be let out.  I have it elevated but I know the swelling is pretty bad, even though I can't see it.  I'm starting to be able to wiggle my toes more, though it hurts like hell to try.  I can feel that the incision is really long from mid-foot to the back of my ankle, and it constantly burns.

Ryan and Mom are making Christmas cookies today.  Hopefully those will cheer me up a little bit.  I really think I just need some more sleep.  Wish me luck.

Narcotics

My doctor gave me better medicine for the pain.  I took two darvocet and the pain started to go away but I started to have an allergic reaction with itching and strange hot patches on my skin.T   This is not surprising given my history of allergies to just about everything I put in my body.   So then I took a benadryl and tried to take a nap because I literally couldn't keep my eyes open.  Then I had a dream about a 3 headed dog.  One dog had a Santa hat, one was drinking a beer, and the last was smoking a cigar.  They were all different breeds.  It was a really weird dream, one that only drugs can induce.

So, now I have oxycontin--the quick release kind.  Holy power drug.  I really feel drunk but for some reason when I try to go to sleep my brain has all of these weird thoughts and I can't freaking sleep.   I have never done street drugs before, and I'm still not sure what all of the fuss is about, because these thoughts are really eerie.  This isn't very fun.  And I have the munchies.   At least I'm not puking.    I was going to do my Christmas cards but am afraid that I'll F them all up so everyone might have to wait until my brain is straight again.   Maybe they will be New Years cards this year.   Hard to say.

The good news is that both the darvocet and oxycontin take the pain mostly away, so I'm a lot more comfortable and not on the verge of tears constantly.   I don't know if I can take the darvocet again though--the last thing I need is anaphylaxis on top of everything else.  I don't have an epi pen on hand, though I should call tomorrow for a new prescription because of stupid shit like this.   Sometimes I truly wonder why my body is so messed up.   

Enough of the rambling for now.   Good night.

This hurts

Pain, lots of pain...the tylenol is not really cutting the pain so it looks like I'll be heading to darvocet or oxycontin today.  I get really nervous about narcotics, because they can make me REALLY sick, but I have to do something.   This is really hurting right now and so frustrating.   

I did manage to take a quick shower but though I feel cleaner I also now have more pain.  Maybe I overdid it, but it was worth it to have clean hair.  It's hard to shower like a flamingo and our shower seat is not very big.  Balance and grace have never been my strong suit, but I'm glad I have some yoga experience.  It's amazing how hard the simplest things can be.

Day 2

The block has worn off and I'm now feeling the pain.  I did manage to get some sleep last night, due to a dose and a half of tylenol w/ codeine and an ambien.  I woke up at 6am with nagging, burning, throbbing pain so I'm now back on the couch with the foot elevated and another dose of codeine on board.  The pins and needles feeling from the pain block is gone, so I am not as annoyed by the "foot is asleep" feeling but may have preferred that over the pain I'm now feeling.

My doctor called me last night to check in, which was kind of sweet.  I'm used to nurses calling, not usually the doc himself.   He said that the damage to the tendon was one of the worst tears he has seen in a long time, but he thinks that the repair and graft will be a success.  I will definitely be non-weight bearing for 5 weeks and then in a lot of physical therapy after that.  It may be 6-12 months before the ankle feels like the other one!   Who would have thought that just walking down stairs could do so much damage?

So for today it's back to sitting on the couch reading, crocheting, and watching movies.  If anyone has any recommendations please let me know.  The snow is coming in tonight, and we could get about 6-12", so I may have a full house tomorrow if Aaron doesn't venture to A2 and Ryan has a snow day.   At least that would give me more to "do" or basically just more people to hang out with.  So far though, having mom around has been a huge blessing.   I'm going stir crazy already, but as Aaron reminded me I am not dealing with crazy HOPE and bankruptcy clients right now and that made me smile.  I like work, but a couple of days off does clear out the brain a bit.  

I'm home!

It appears that the surgery went well, with some good news and bad news.   The tear to the tendon was more extensive than originally anticipated, longitudinal instead of straight across (the bad news), but he just did the tendon graft on top of the stitched up repair.  I also had a bad bone spur at the base of the torn tendon, so he had to go in and remove part of the bone but didn't have to pin it (the good news.)   I am in a soft cast until my f/u appointment on Tuesday and the scooter is back to help me get around.   I'm still pretty doped up and groggy, a little queasy, and in a bit of pain.  The block they did is more like having novocaine for a cavity in the mouth and now that it's wearing off I have the constant pins and needles feeling, which hurts and is annoying.   I just took a couple of painkillers though, so hopefully I'll be more comfortable soon.

Side note--we got the official notice today that Aaron's car is completely totaled so we're going to be purchasing a new vehicle on  Friday or Saturday.   We're pretty well settled on a Dodge Journey and though I'm excited about a new car, Aaron is bummed about the loss of the Scion.  He really loved that thing and is sad that his "fun car" is gone.   However, I think he will really like the Journey and all of its fun features like the in-dash beverage cooler :)

I'll write more later.  For now, I'm headed to bed.

The night before...

Everyone is asleep, but me. I have to be up at 5:20am but nerves are getting the better of me and I can't fall asleep. I even took some melatonin, but that isn't working either. I guess I'll be getting some forced sleep tomorrow, but anyone who has had general anesthesia knows that it's not exactly like taking a nap.

I had planned on having a really good "last meal" this evening (past experience with anesthesia and pain meds leads me to believe I won't have an appetite and will be nauseated for a few days) but it took 2 hours to get to the airport and 2.5 hours to get back with a quick stop at Cracker Barrel with mom for dinner, all because of the stupid snow. So, I had a chicken salad sandwich, which was good but not quite the Outback I was really hoping for. My mobility is going to be so limited that I won't be going out to eat for quite a while and I wanted to have something really yummy. I'm now hungry and have to get all of my food in before 12:00--I'm a gremlin tonight and can't have anything past midnight. Nothing sounds good though, except for Outback :( So maybe I'm not hungry and just knowing that after midnight I am not allowed to eat is tricking my brain into feeling hunger. Who knows?

I'm kind of rambling now I suppose, so I should go raid the kitchen and then try to get some sleep. D-day is almost here.

The day before...

I am so lucky to have so many friends and family members who have already called/e-mailed/etc...to wish me well tomorrow.  I know that I will not be able to get back with everyone right after the surgery because I know I'll be drugged up, in pain, and probably really tired.  So, I'm going to try this blogging thing to keep everyone updated on how things are going and that will allow me to communicate whenever, even at 3am if I'm up and bored.  Please feel free to stop by to check up and leave messages too to cheer me on.   I'm going to need all of the love and support possible over the next 8 weeks.

For those of you who don't know all of the details, tomorrow I am having surgery to fix my torn peroneus brevis tendon, which is the one that basically connects parts of the ankle to the base of your pinky toe.  The tendon has a "chevron" shaped tear, which essentially means it tore in a V-shape and is barely hanging on, if it's not torn completely.  My doctor says that the procedure he will use to fix the tendon is very similar to the surgery Yao Ming (the basketball player/giant) had last year.   Unfortunately, I don't make the money that Yao does and my recovery will only be paid at half of my salary on STD.  I wish I could have half of Yao's salary!    Anyway, if the tendon can be saved they will stitch it up and wrap acellular human tissue around the tendon, which will eventually fuse with my own tendon and make it stronger.   If they can't salvage MY tendon, then they will use a cadaver tendon and just basically do a complete replacement.   The recovery period is anywhere from 5-8 weeks until I can get back to work and then another 2-3 months of physical therapy on top of that.  It will be a LONG time before I can walk normally again.   I'll go from a hard cast to a soft cast to a special brace or the CAM walker (walking cast/boot) and then eventually to nothing.  It may be spring before this happens, but I am so looking forward to it.  I have already been immobilized for 8 weeks!

I have to be at the hospital tomorrow at 6:30am and thankfully my mom is coming into town tonight to help us out.  Aaron is going to definitely need that second set of hands available as it definitely takes a village to handle a toddler.   Ryan won't exactly know what is going on and it's going to be hard to explain why mommy won't be able to do much for a few weeks.   He knows I have a boo boo and loved seeing the cast colors from before, so I have a feeling he will have a basic concept about what is going on.   

I'm really nervous about this surgery for some reason.  I'm guessing it's because my pain is manageable right now in the walking boot and I question whether I truly "need" surgery.  But I can't live my life in this boot forever and it hurts to walk normally, so the surgery just has to happen at some point.  I know that things are going to get a lot worse before they get better and that's the part I'm frustrated with the most.  I hate being dependent upon others for my basic needs.  I won't even be able to get up and get my own food or a drink of water for a long time!   I have a great family though and I know that they will get me through this.  So please, say prayers and keep your fingers crossed for a quick and speedy recovery.  My track record isn't the best when it comes to medical issues, as you all well know, so I need all of the positive thoughts and good karma I can get.